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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184283">we'll still fly</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackandblue13/pseuds/blackandblue13'>blackandblue13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>some jatp one-shots bc i'm emo [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Panromantic Luke Patterson, bobby is there for approximately 12 seconds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:20:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackandblue13/pseuds/blackandblue13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time he <i>really</i> thinks about it is when they’re both asleep. </p><p>Reggie’s leg is pressed between his, Alex’s hand is on his thigh, and Luke can’t fall asleep. They’re close. They’ve always been close, physically and emotionally. But, right now, it’s suffocating.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>some jatp one-shots bc i'm emo [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>248</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we'll still fly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>cw: they talk about sex (they don’t do it) (i can’t and won’t write smut, esp bc they’re minors) (i rated this as M just to be safe) </p><p>this takes place after “bittersweet love story” and you don’t need to read that to understand this aside from the fact that alex and reg secretly dated for a month before figuring out luke liked them too (and then relationship *ba-da*) </p><p>title from “now or never”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>November 1993. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The first time he <em> really </em> thinks about it is when they’re both asleep. </p><p>Reggie’s leg is pressed between his, Alex’s hand is on his thigh, and Luke can’t fall asleep. They’re close. They’ve always been close, physically and emotionally. But, right now, it’s suffocating. </p><p>There’s the unspoken anticipation that, at some point in their relationship, someone’s hands will get farther below the belt than Luke ever wants. It just… it doesn’t feel <em> right </em> for him. Like, if he shares a lifetime with them, dies, and then spends the eternity of the afterlife together and never has sex, he’d be perfectly happy. </p><p>He knows they won’t be, though. </p><p>He sees it in the way Reggie’s hand automatically slips beneath Alex’s hoodie when they greet each other with more kisses than he can count, both of them giving Luke the exact same treatment soon after. He sees it when Alex hooks his fingers through the belt loops on Reggie’s jeans, grounding him in the midst of rambling about something that makes his eyes water too much to be considered anything less than concerning. He feels it in the vibrations of Reggie gasping into Luke’s mouth when he pulls him in for an unexpected kiss, chasing after his lips with a low whine until Alex puts his arms around them, aiming his own kisses at their cheeks and their jawbones and— </p><p>He’ll just hold them back. And then they’ll resent him. </p><p>Luke manages to put an inch of space between himself and Reggie’s leg as he pulls Alex’s hand up to his waist, hoping neither of them wake up from movement, and <em> that’s </em>when he starts drifting off. </p><p>Maybe this isn’t the first time his mind has wandered. </p><p>He loves his boyfriends endlessly. He loves calling them <em> his boyfriends</em>. Even before they got together, they've been in situations like this where they’re all pressed together, feeling practically every inch of each other’s bodies. But he never considered the possibility of <em> it </em> happening until now, when it could likely become a reality. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The second time it happens is before rehearsal. </p><p>Luke had only been alone for a few minutes before Reggie and Alex come in, faces flushed, hair messy, and — is Alex wearing Reggie’s flannel? — smiling as they greet Luke with kisses and flopping down on either side of him on the couch. </p><p>“New song?” Alex asks, spotting the open notebook in Luke’s hand. The page is mostly empty, aside from a few unconnected lines. He’s in a bit of a slump. </p><p>Luke closes the notebook before tossing it on the coffee table. “Hopefully.” He frowns at it, like if he keeps staring it down, the song will just poof itself into existence. It doesn’t, as expected. </p><p>He’s been trying his hand at love songs. Yeah, yeah, he doesn’t want to hear the comments. He’s written songs that aren’t quite romantic, but <em> maybe </em> Alex and Reggie swarmed his thoughts through the process of those. But those aren’t <em> love </em> songs, they’re just… stories… which is different, but also the same in its own way? </p><p>Whatever. His brain decided to stop working one verse into this piece. He falls against the back of the couch, looking at the ceiling, no longer immune to the weird glances between his boyfriends. “What’s going on with you guys?” </p><p>Alex’s voice jumps an octave with an articulate <em> Um, uh</em>, his blush deepening when Reggie announces, “Alex is a <em> very </em> passionate lover.” </p><p>“Well, <em> fuck</em>, Reg—” Alex buries his face in his hand, cheeks reddening further at the revelation. </p><p>“What? Luke’s gonna find out eventually—” </p><p>“You didn’t have to say it like <em> that</em>—” </p><p>“But am I wrong?” </p><p>“We weren’t— We were just <em> making out</em>—” </p><p>“And one of us is <em> very </em> vocal—” Reggie chimes in, sending a suggestive wink toward Luke. </p><p>“Why are you saying it like that? It’s <em> you</em>, Reg—” </p><p>“Oh, don’t act like it isn’t your fault—” </p><p>“How is it <em> my </em> fault—” </p><p>Their bickering continues for a few more minutes, explaining bits and pieces of how they almost got caught on the beach by the Peterses’ house. </p><p>Don’t get Luke wrong, he loves listening to them, especially since they’ve been making an extra effort to share their own one-on-one dates so he’ll feel more included. But he gets stuck on the word <em> lover </em> and it rattles around in his head and leaves a strange taste in his mouth. </p><p>It feels too… <em> sensual</em>. </p><p>He removes himself from the cuddle pile under the guise of <em> I thought of a new riff, I gotta test it out</em>, which leads Reggie to yelling about how Alex <em> needs </em> to teach him drums in the meantime, and then Alex grumbles something about this just being another excuse for Reggie to sit on his lap <em> but okay</em>. </p><p>So now Reggie is in Alex’s lap on the stool behind the drum set — Alex <em> never </em> lets anyone behind his kit due to a very rational fear that one of them might screw it up. His hands are out of sight — Luke wants to guess they’re somewhere around Reggie’s waist, but from the way Reggie can’t stop giggling, there’s a twist in his stomach telling him he’s probably wrong. </p><p>Luke focuses on tuning his already-in-tune guitar, finding more comfort in experimenting on the frets than if someone were to put their hands on him with similar (or more indecent?) motives. It’s a fruitful distraction from those two doing… whatever they’re doing. </p><p>Sometimes he forgets they had a whole month together before he joined their relationship. They had the extra time to explore each other and figure out what they like, eager to let Luke in on the fun. But he doesn’t <em> want </em> to. He loves them, but he’s never thought of them like <em> that</em>. </p><p>There’s gotta be something wrong with him, right? How could someone have two amazing, gorgeous boyfriends and <em> not </em> want to… <em> do </em> them? </p><p>He’s dealt with people assuming he and Bobby are the most experienced out of the band, due to Bobby’s tendency to flirt with fans and Luke occasionally charming his way through life, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Bobby’s tales of post-gig one-night-stands are usually half-bullshit, neither of them have had steady romantic partners, and Luke has spent the past decade slowly realizing he’s in love with two of his best friends. </p><p>Best friends who have always been used to his excessive physical affection, but apparently, they had a month of getting secretly handsy with each other, and now Luke will end up being a part of that, but he doesn’t <em> want </em> to be. </p><p>Bobby comes in from work, signaling the beginning of practice, and Reggie and Alex break apart. He nods at Luke like he can read his mind, even though he didn’t witness… whatever just happened, but Luke sends him a silent <em> Thank you </em> anyway. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The third time it happens is when they’re home alone and in Reggie’s room. </p><p>Reggie is focused on a spot on his collarbone and Alex is kissing down his back, and they’ve made out shirtless before — don’t get Luke wrong, he’s into <em> this</em>, but nothing more — but something feels <em> off</em>, and then Reggie grinds his hips up, and Luke can’t breathe. </p><p>His mind is yelling <em> Stop </em> and he doesn’t know if it’s even possible to get the word out, or get them to slow down without making someone upset, because he loves them and he wants to show them his appreciation and devotion and he should want to do <em> more</em>, but it’s <em> too much</em>. He jumps off the bed, breaking out of their arms, steadying himself against the wall, but his heart won’t slow down and— </p><p>“Luke.” There’s a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” </p><p>“I can’t—” His chest is tight and he’s probably having one of those panic attacks that Alex gets, but he can still see and hear them, and Alex says the world disappears for him, so Luke is <em> fine</em>. </p><p>His hand is on someone’s chest and he feels a heartbeat. He hears breathing and manages to follow its rhythm. Then numbers — someone is counting along with his inhale, another voice for the exhale, but he can’t figure out who’s doing what. The air is halfway back into his lungs until he hears Alex’s murmur of a question. </p><p>“Can't what?” </p><p>Can’t breathe, can’t lie to them, can’t do <em> it</em>, can’t look Alex in the eye as he sobs, “I can’t do this anymore.” He turns away, staring at the floor because he doesn’t want to see if he hurt them with that sentence, but obviously he <em> didn’t </em>because they haven’t said anything— “Where’s my shirt?” </p><p>Instead of an answer, Alex leads him to sit on the bed between himself and Reggie. He can feel their warmth, even though they sit a few inches away, giving him room to breathe. He thanks them internally because he’s not sure how much he wants to even be <em> touched </em> right now. </p><p>“You know we—” He pushes Reggie’s hand away from his thigh. “We love you.” </p><p>“But we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong, okay?” Alex adds. </p><p>Luke nods, but the pit in his stomach grows, so the first thing he blurts out is the question gnawing in the back of his mind. “Did you guys have sex?” </p><p>Silence. </p><p>Shit. He shouldn’t have asked. Or he should’ve phrased it better, or found some way to ease into it instead of going without warning— </p><p>“No,” Reggie finally says. “We talked about it, but we never really <em> did </em> anything, and then we started dating you, so we haven’t had the chance to talk about it again until now, I guess.” </p><p>“Oh. Okay.” </p><p>“Is that what’s bothering you?” Alex asks. “Do you want to, but you’re not sure what we—” </p><p>His heart drops. “No, that’s not it <em> at all</em>,” Luke promises, almost stumbling over his words. He buries his face in his hands. “I think there’s something wrong with me.” </p><p>“There’s <em> nothing </em> wrong with you,” Alex counters. </p><p>Luke sighs. “I don’t—” He’s in too deep. He might as well tell them and deal with their reactions. “I don’t think I want to… have sex.” </p><p>“That’s okay,” Reggie says. “I don’t think I’m ready yet, either.” </p><p>“That’s not—” His gaze shifts from the floor to Reggie. “I don’t want to have sex <em> ever</em>. Like, at all.” Reggie’s lips part and his brows furrow like he wants to say something but Luke keeps going. “It’s not because of you guys. I never wanted to do it in the first place, but now we’re here, and I don't want you guys figuring it out in six months and breaking up with me then, or just never doing it and you guys hating me ‘cause I’m holding you back—” </p><p>“Luke, we love you,” Reggie repeats his earlier words, a rare seriousness in his tone. “<em>I </em> love you.” He hovers a hand over Luke’s, waiting until he nods to intertwine their fingers. </p><p>“And I love you, too,” Alex chimes in. </p><p>“We’re not gonna break up with you, especially for something like this.” </p><p>“You’re not?” Luke's voice <em> totally </em> doesn’t crack. </p><p>“It’s not a big deal,” Alex promises, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder, and Luke almost <em> melts </em> at the sudden contact, leaning into it swiftly. He misses holding them, especially after their initial reassurances. “I don’t like girls, you don’t like sex.” </p><p>“And I don’t like pineapple on pizza,” Reggie adds. </p><p>“Yeah, exact—” Alex cuts himself off, blinking slowly as if that will help him come up with a response. “Okay, that’s an issue for later.” </p><p>“It’s not an <em> issue</em>—” </p><p>“<em>Reginald</em>, I swear to <em> god</em>—” </p><p>Luke laughs at their bickering as he wipes his eyes. When did he start crying? “I love you guys.” </p><p>Reggie opens his arms, inviting Luke for a side-hug, and he leans into it, kissing Reggie’s cheek. “We know.” </p><p>“And if you guys…” he starts, internally trying to steady his voice as he pulls back from the hug. “If you guys ever wanted to… <em> without </em> me, obviously, um…” Reggie rubs his back, dropping a kiss on his shoulder. “I think you should. But, like, before, or maybe after, if that works better, can you…” </p><p>Alex kisses his temple. “We’ll let you know if we do.” </p><p>Maybe Sunset Curve <em> is </em> full of mind-readers. </p><p>“But <em> you </em> have to let us know if we do something you don’t like, okay?” Reggie pokes his chest and it’s like these boys can see into his soul. “Or <em> do </em> like. Either way.” </p><p>Luke chews on his lip. He doesn’t want to hurt them, but Reggie <em> did </em> say to tell them… “The, um… Reg, you did this thing with your hips…” </p><p>Reggie’s eyes widen in recognition. “You didn’t like it, did you?” When Luke shakes his head, Reggie takes his hand again, giving it a light squeeze. “Gone. Done.” </p><p>"Really?" Oh. That was… easy. He didn’t expect either of them to give up doing certain things so quickly just because of him. “If you guys still want to—” </p><p>But Alex shushes him. “Don’t worry about us. Focus on you.” </p><p>“But—” </p><p>“Luke.” Alex holds his other hand. “You said you’re okay with me and Reg doing that kind of stuff without you, right?” Luke nods, not sure where this is going. “Then let <em> me </em> deal with his hips while you figure out what you like.” </p><p>“My hips are <em> wonderful</em>, for your information—” Reggie is cut off by Alex smacking his back with a pillow. </p><p>Luke shrugs, suppressing a smile. “I like cuddling.” </p><p>“Oh, <em> really</em>?” Alex responds sarcastically. “Well, I couldn’t tell from the whole, you know, <em> everything about you</em>.” </p><p>Luke nudges his shoulder, definitely more comfortable with the playful turn of conversation. He can’t handle it when the focus on him becomes too grave. “I like making out, too.” </p><p>“Shirts on or off?” Reggie clarifies, even though the three of them have been shirtless for the entire conversation. </p><p>“Either way.” Luke echoes Reggie’s earlier words with a wink. </p><p>“<em>Pants</em>?” Reggie puts <em> way </em> too much emphasis on the word and he beams when Luke laughs at it. </p><p>“Either way, Reg.” </p><p>“Okay, <em> good</em>, because I don’t feel like putting them back on.” </p><p>Alex rolls his eyes, too much fondness in his expression to <em> actually </em> seem annoyed. “You never feel like wearing pants.” </p><p>“Pantslessness is a comfortable lifestyle and I <em> refuse </em> to be shamed for my choices.” </p><p>“I can’t believe I’m dating you.” </p><p>Reggie perks up with a gasp, grabbing a hand from each of them. “'Lex, it’s our six-week-iversary.” </p><p>“That— that’s not a thing.” </p><p>“<em>And </em> it’s our two-week-iversary with Luke.” </p><p>“Reggie—” </p><p>“We have to celebrate,” he insists, an equal look of earnestness as when Luke came out just a few  minutes prior. </p><p>Luke leans against Alex, basking in the normalcy of the conversation (if Alex and Reggie’s joking arguments can be considered normal). Alex slings an arm over his shoulder and kisses the top of his head as Reggie lists ways to celebrate their somewhat made-up anniversaries. Luke doesn’t know if people actually celebrate two weeks of dating, but he doesn’t care. He has his boys, he knows they love him, and that’s what’s important. </p><p>Reggie is practically jumping around the room in excitement. “My mom left me money for dinner! We can order pizza!” </p><p>And then a question stops him dead in his tracks. “Can we get pineapple on it?” </p><p>“<em>Alexander</em>, I swear to <em> god</em>—”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kenny ortega: here’s an emo ace pan guitar player that expresses their love for the homies through physical affection and also their parents don’t approve of them pursuing a career in the arts<br/>me, all of those things: kenny..</p><p>ace pan luke send tweet!<br/>(note: not all asexuals view relationships the same way. i wrote <strike>projected onto</strike> luke using my experience as a sex-repulsed ace who enjoys a fun lil makeout but won’t(/can’t) go further) </p><p>rejected sentence: “alex bonks reggie with a pillow”</p></blockquote></div></div>
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